14 July 2015

Your Parents Didn't Leave You When You're Young: A Rant

A close relation posted this meme on her Facebook wall referring to me (as it was revealed later on in the comments) who don't call back home!
 I didn't want to reply to it but my non-conforming self just didn't want to leave it
without a word....or words from me.

Well, the reply I wrote read like this...

"Parents should never leave their children when they are young because it's them who decided to bring their children into this world".

That statement is the truth!

For whatever reason, parents do everything they think is right for their children.
They should!
They must!
After all, children had no opportunity to choose whether they want to be born or not. It's the parents who decided to have them (children) so it's their responsibility to take care of them, bring them up to be good people, teach them good values, and help them learn to be independent. And as far as I can remember, parents encourage their children to learn to take care of themselves because, like most parents would say, "they may not always be there to take care of you".

That, at least, is how I understand parenting!

Yet for conventional people who think children OWE something to their parents because they brought them into this world, such response outrages them.
It turns their blood into a boiling state, as they say!

It's like saying,
"Be thankful I took care of you, otherwise, your head would have not grown this big."
"I could have just let you die in hunger or given you to somebody else."

Such statements are very irresponsible!

Nobody is really forcing them to have children. But if there is, they have their own thinking to decide on their own whether or not to have children. And if they chose to have one or two or more, they don't have the right to make their children feel like they are a burden to them (parents). No children should be made to think that it's their obligation to make their parents happy, because, really, no one is capable of making them happy except themselves.

The truth is, searching for happiness through another person is a recipe for disaster.

Well, I don't know how she (relative) reacted to my comment because, as usual, silence was all I got.

All I know is that children do not owe anything to their parents. Period!
If there's someone who owes something to another? It's the parents to their children. For as long as I can notice, parents don't bring children into their life for the children's sake. Most of the times!
Often, the children just happen and they can't do anything about it
(pregnant so marriage is the answer).
And almost all the time, people have children for their own (parents) benefits.
And most of the times, to conform to what society dictates or because that is expected of them!

calling parents especially when you live far from them is never wrong!
It should even be encouraged!
(Well, as long as there is a good relationship going on between parents and children).

I just don't call!

I don't call anybody!
But hey, a mother isn't just anybody, right?
Well, nevertheless, I don't call!

(And not calling your parents doesn't necessarily mean you have forgotten them or you  have become disrespectful to them).

I just don't feel comfortable talking on the phone. Plus, there are already so many
forms of communication available nowadays which are more convenient and more affordable.
There's FB Messenger, there's Skype, there's Yahoo Messenger.
Should I mention more?

And, talking on the phone often and longer exposes you to higher risks of getting a brain tumor.
I don't want that!
I don't want that for anybody else, too.

So I chat. And I am quite good at it!
It's chatting that I encourage them to do. It's cheaper and more convenient.
I always tell them to pick the time and day!

But what if I am the only one who wants to chat?
Doesn't it feel awkward?

That meme is also flawed!

There is NO rule that children should only be the ones to call their parents.
Just because parents grow old (no one is exempted: we all grow old) it doesn't mean that they can no longer call their children. If they can't afford the call because it's expensive, then what are the other offspring or relatives doing? Can parents not ask for it. Or shouldn't the other children or relative offer them to call that someone? After all, that's what family is for! Right?

Since they can afford to celebrate this and that, go here and there, buy this and that, chat with neighbors and friends and post stuff they like on FB, how come they cannot afford a 5 to 10-minute call to a relative?
Something is seriously wrong in here!
Maybe, they are not just interested to talk? Possible!

It would have been a different scenario if I am the only child, which I am not. But if I am, my parents would have been with me. My mother would have been living with me. She goes wherever I go. Unless she prefers not to.

By the way, "no time"  or "busy" excuses are unacceptable to everyone.

You see, all of us have the same amount of time -24 hours. Eight hours work, 7-8 hours sleep, 8 hours to do the things we are interested in.

So just like we make time to cook or take bath or dine with friends or do the laundry, we can also make time to sit in front of the computer and converse with our loved ones.

What it takes is just our interest to know what's going on in the lives of people we know or people that matter to us.
Interest! Interest to get involved in someone else's life.

So, there goes my rant about that meme!
I just don't agree or disagree with it without evaluating its message.

Life and relationships don't work one way. They work great with a term we called...reciprocity! And really works well for communication, not assumption or expectation.

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